Dumb & Dumber

Apr 16, 2013 View Comments by

Dumb & DumberYep, dat’s me all right! Only someone at least half brain dead would try to get five years out of a storage tent designed for two. Pressed, I can come up with several likely excuses: Winter came on too soon to put up a new metal structure; I was just too lazy to tackle the job; or, just too darn cheap. Actually, it was “all of the above.”

You’ve seen these metal tube and plastic/cloth “temporary” garages for sale at most home stores. They’re not too expensive, about $200, and even a four-thumbed gorilla can put one together. The trouble comes when you start adding to the stock unit in an attempt to squeeze out a few more seasons. Snow fence for the sub-roof, 2×4 roof trusses to take any extra wind, and rope, lots of rope to tie together the entire patchwork quilt of tarps and ground cloths that make it up. Then the “piece de la resistance,” tie straps at every point that two ropes cross, an engineering miracle! And probably, another $200 in extra materials, I didn’t say I was sharp—it’s a guy thing. Oh yeah, I forgot the duct tape.

Now, it makes no difference that for the extra expense of this half-shod job, not to mention the time, I could have put up one of those metal garages. Where the “H” is the challenge in that? After you make this house of sticks, what do you do then? Why put your most treasured stuff in there to preserve and protect? Let me say at this point, it seemed like a good idea, really it did—it’s a guy thing.

Well this winter, as most of you know, was no bed of roses. Way too much snow, snow that weighs a lot, too much, it seems, for a certain storage tent. The tubes bent, ropes snapped, duct tape split, and the roof collapsed. Even my 2×4 trusses splintered to pieces!

I really hate winter. The whole thing took a dump on my treasures, three (old) tractors, a go-cart, a 49cc scooter, a Honda Ruckus, and last, but not least, my 1978 Mercedes 450SL—with a 2×4 through its windshield. The only thing that wasn’t there was my 1970 Honda 350 SL. It should have been, I always stored it there. However, this year it needed a new rectifier and I thought I would work on it if it were in the garage, the real garage. Of course, I still haven’t fixed it, I am still looking for a rectifier. But, my procrastination saved my Honda from a “crushing” death, and that is a good thing.

After totaling up all the extra expense of “fortifying” this igloo, not to mention the $300 for a new windshield on the Mercedes, and the extra time (and effort) to tear down and dispose of this disaster, I know what you’re going to say. “You could have spent that extra money, and half the time, on putting up a proper metal garage in the first place!” Yes dear, I know that, but—it’s a guy thing. Ride on.

P.S. Nothing else was damaged, you can drop a barn on a tractor and still plow the back 40.

Tags: , , , Categories: Wayne's World

About the author

A Wisconsin farm boy, I learned how to ride a cow, before a horse and way before a motorcycle. I first started riding on my 16th birthday and I took my first real ride at my party: I pulled a wheelie and dug a trench in the lawn, which sent the bike in one direction and me in another. I was irrevocably hooked!