Frustrating Four Wheelers

Mar 27, 2012 View Comments by

They say that truckers have seen it all from their perch high above the maddening crowd. They look directly into the inner sanctum of Johnny Four-wheels, and see things that would astound mere mortals. Come to think of it, we two-wheelers are also in the “high chair” with a lot less sheet metal and glass to distort our front row seat to motoring madness.

And I am not just talking about fashion faux pas, or lack thereof, it’s multi-tasking to the extreme! We are all aware of how yield signs are only a “partial pause”; flashing yellow is the new “speed-up and cut-off”; and stop is “only if they’re bigger than you,” in which most cases a bike loses. Texting and phoning are commonplace; it’s the off-the-wall that now takes the cake. Just yesterday I was cut off by a woman with an extra large bucket-sized drink in one hand, while texting with the other. I can only imagine what body parts were assigned to navigating her SUV!

Another all-time favorite is the driver who was reading a novel on his steering wheel (maybe the owners manual) while in rush hour traffic, or the all too familiar make-up application in the rear view mirror, and the shaving too, usually not the same person. Maybe these folks could commute together, and leave the driving to the Schnauzer, or at the very least, get up a half hour earlier?

I do confess to attempting to read a map, selecting a CD or even eating lunch on the road. That, I even had down to a science: McNuggets, fries and a shake. Nuggets and fries don’t ooze on your tie and a shake won’t spill out faster than you can catch it. Yet I am only a poor rookie compared to the contortionists on today’s roads. Take for instance the driver I dubbed “Sir Elvin Snodgrass.” Not content to drink a coffee on the way to work, he had a china teacup in his hand, with a teapot on a hot plate on the passenger seat – maybe crumpets in the ashtray?

I save my best for last. For me, it really takes the prize. Sorry ladies, but it was a woman shaving her legs! Granted, she was the passenger, but really? I can only guess where this process started, not to mention what it did to the driver’s concentration. So next time out, should you see a foot out the window covered in Nair, give it a wide berth, the soul you save could be your own. Ride-on.

Tags: , , Categories: Wayne's World

About the author

A Wisconsin farm boy, I learned how to ride a cow, before a horse and way before a motorcycle. I first started riding on my 16th birthday and I took my first real ride at my party: I pulled a wheelie and dug a trench in the lawn, which sent the bike in one direction and me in another. I was irrevocably hooked!